Check out Mr Kitty's new bed!!!

NCLEX on the mind!

I just found out that one of my classmates passed her boards. Now I feel like a loser. I guess because I just sent in my paperwork to take the damn test today. I feel behind... I am about to go upstairs right now and do a practice test and then I am going to schedule study time and stick to it. Hopefully, I can take the test in November... I have to just be motivated. I feel very alone. Keith is in school and not really here for me. Maybe I can reach out to someone other than him for a change. I don't want to burden anyone with my psychodrama...I must get my oomph! back... I can do it... YES I CAN!!!!

Depression

I am trying to keep my cool, but it ain't easy. Presently, I am on the phone with my mother. For the first time, I have realized that she is one of the roots of my depression. I knew she was in there somewhere... a leaf, a branch or a bloom....but never a full blown root. As she rambles about the past, rambles about my family, and she goes on and on. I love her very much. She is my mother and she made that lovely choice to birth me from her loins. That's cool... but sometimes I feel like I did the rest from there. I mean she wasn't an alcoholic or a druggie. She was a stay at home mother that dedicated a healthy portion of her life to me and my siblings. It is just sad that she doesn't know me now. WHA! WHA! I should be ashamed. I know this, but I often wonder what she thinks of me. Does she know that I battle daily with this beast? I draw my sword daily to slay the dragon of darkness. Does any one know besides M my therapist. There is no aspect or element of my life that is not affected by my depression. Sometimes I forget that... and when I remember and usually it slaps me in the face when I least expect it ...its like a new beginning. I should write a book... How to make depression work for you? I know I can accomplish anything, because I beat down this disease with my bear hands filled with two antidepressants and my sword glazed with love every damn day.